Moxey's Mobile

By Kevin McCormick

It's Thursday evening and the Magnificent Seven are gathered in the local watering hole discussing the plans they each have for the weekend. "Well I'm off back to Newcastle" said Neville, "it's Brendas birthday and I've got her a surprise"
"Oh yeah! What is it? A toy boy" asked Wayne.
"Or one of them marital aids that looks like a coppers torch" said Oz.
"No, nothing like that"
"Not a kettle is it?" asked Moxey.
"If you must know it's a ..." but before he could get it out he was disturbed by the sound of an electronic version of the Lone Ranger.
"What's that?" asked Barry.
"Oh, hey. It's me mobile" said Moxey.
"What do you want with a mobile?" laughed Oz."You've no one to ring, no friends, unless you're going to ring them sex lines"
"Or maybe it's to keep in contact with his stock broker" said Wayne, "You never know when you're going to have to buy or sell"
"Look, they're just a handy thing to have, and if you'll excuse me, I'll answer this" and with that went outside where it was quieter.
"Well" remarked Dennis, "I never had Moxey down as being a yuppie"
"Everyone has them these days though Den" said Neville, "And he's right, they are handy to have"
"Well it's about as useful to Moxey as a waterproof tea bag" said Oz. Just then the pub door opened and Moxey returned.
"'Ello, here he is. What's the word then Mox, buy or sell?" said Wayne.
"It was just one of the blokes from work. I asked him to ring to make sure everything was working ok. Same again lads?"
"Don't bother getting up man. Just ring him and have them sent over" said Oz.
"Very funny. C'mon Barry, give us a hand"
"C'mon Bomber, let's have a game of pool" said Oz. "You can be my partner. Any challengers?" The rest of the evening was spent playing pool with of course lots of wit and sarcasm aimed at Moxeys mobile, and the Lone Ranger was not heard again that evening.

Back in Newcastle the following evening, Neville and Brenda waited for Dennis and Christine to join them at the chosen restaurant. Their wait wasn't very long and after the usual pleasantries they all sat with drinks and perused the menu. They ordered their dishes then, refering to his drink, Dennis said "Well that one didn't touch the sides. Same again?" "Just for you and Nev. We're ok for now" Two more pints were ordered which were soon followed by the entrees. Along with the entrees came a bottle of champagne.
"'Ere, Neville, you're pushing the boat out aren't you" said Brenda."Don't sit there gawping at it, get it open"
"Sorry, but I don't remember any of us ordering it" said Neville."Maybe it belongs to another table"
"I suppose you're right. Leave it there and we'll find out when the waiter comes past" said Brenda sullenly.
"C'mon Neville" said Dennis looking at Brendas despondent face. "It's her birthday. Let's go halfs on it"
"Yeah why not. Ok Den, you open it" Just then their waiter happened by to check the entrees were satisfactory.
"Everythings fine.Incidently we didn't order the champagne but we'll take it anyway" said Dennis.
"That's ok" replied the waiter. "It's courtesy of the gentleman in the booth over there" Eyes and heads turned to follow the direction he was pointing. If the champagne was a surprise then the purchaser was an even bigger one. It was none other than Ally Fraser. Realising that he was the centre of their attention , he rose from his table and wandered over.
"Good evening everyone, hope the champagne is to your liking" said Ally. "And how is everyone?"
"I thought you were a permanent fixture in Spain" said Dennis.
"Aye well, the thought of never being able to return to 'Blighty disturbed me and gave me sleepless nights so I got Malcolm Hallwood to do some investigating to find out what I'd be charged for if I ever returned. It seems that I'm not Interpols most wanted man, in fact there's no warrant at all for my arrest so I can come and go as I please"
"So what now? A pair of cement boots and a visit to the bottom of the Tyne?" asked Dennis.
"Dennis, Dennis what happened is in the past and will stay there, including my dodgy past"
"Don't tell me you've become a Jehovah's Witness. They're even less popular that you"
"What I've decided to do is go straight and be a legitimate businessman. In fact, I may have a business proposition for you and your lads. A small conversion job"
"What! You've no chance" exclaimed Dennis. "In fact you're interrupting a party here so if you don't mind, leave us alone. And besides all the lads have jobs"
"I understand that. What if I was to suggest with Easter coming up that they each take a weeks holiday. I'm prepared to offer triple what they're getting plus bonus if they finish within a week."
"And what is this job exactly?" asked Neville seeing pound signs before his eyes.
"Neville I don't care what it is, I'm not interested" said Dennis.
Ignoring Dennis, Ally said, "I want to refurbish an old nightclub, replace a few walls, add a few more lights. Easy enough to a well drilled bunch of blokes like yourselves. Anyway, think about it and get back to me before next Tuesday. Good evening and enjoy your meals"
Ally returned to his table where they noticed he was entertaining a young lady.
"What a nerve. Just wait till I tell the boys. They'll have a good laugh" said Dennis. "Ok Nev, open the bottle. Lets have some of that bubbly"
The rest of the meal was eaten under a cloud of suppressed tension, with not much conversation and plenty of sneaky glances at Ally and his companion.

The Monday morning tea break conversation revolved around the encounter with Ally and the proposal he'd put to Dennis. Dennis was surprised to find that rather than dismiss the idea they seemed curious as to what Ally wanted them to do.
"Another conversion job. Sounds easy enough, a bit of tlc on an old, disused nightclub" said Neville. "Says he'll pay well too!"
"Site's closing for a week over Easter so we could do it if the money's right" said Bomber.
"He'll pay triple what we're getting now plus bonus if we finish on time" said Neville.
"I can't believe you're even considering doing it" said Dennis.
"Dennis, I understand your feelings towards this bloke but some of us can't afford to turn down money like this" said Bomber. "If everyone else goes, I'll go too"
"Well stuff the lot of you" said Dennis pouring his tea on the ground. With hands spread in front of him he said "I thought you lot were my mates. How can you work for a bloke like him"
Turning he went back to work with the others looking at each other and shrugging their shoulders.
"Give him 'til lunch to cool down and I'll have a chat with him" said Bomber.
"Maybe he's right. Should we be doing work for him after what he did?" asked Barry.
"He didn't do anything to us did he. Dennis' personal issues have nothing to do with us. Besides that cash will go towards the new car I want" said Oz.
"Always thinking of yourself eh Oz" said Wayne.
"So you're not going then?"
"Well I am actually but let's just think of it as a nice little earner and not doing him a favour. Despite Nev saying he's changed think about the adage of the leopard and it's spots"

Just before the hooter for lunch went, Bomber put down his trowel and pulled Dennis to one side. "Look Dennis, the lads understand how you feel. None of them really want to work for Ally but when you wave that much money in front of someone then their scruples are bound to be questioned..."
"Bomber, listen" interrupted Dennis, "they should do this job, in fact I'll be joining them. That's what's pissing me off. I can't afford to knock it back either" He looked up at Bomber in the eye and said " But let me tell you, I'll never trust the bastard"
"Funny, that's what Wayne said"
"Well maybe Waynes' brains aren't in his pants after all"
"I'll give the lads the good news, you can borrow Moxeys phone and let Ally know we'll do it. Might as well get some use out of it" Just then they were joined by Oz with an enquiring look on his face. "Are you going to do it Den?" he asked.
Dennis smiled "Looks like I've no choice, if I'm going to be able to afford the engagement ring" Oz's face went from enquiring to quizzical then after what seemed like an eternity to realisation and understanding or so Dennis thought. "Don't tell me you've got her pregnant!"

The plan for the job was for everyone to meet at Allys office the Saturday after Good Friday to go over the plans.
"What do you think Dennis? Should be able to finish it before next Saturday eh?" asked Ally putting a friendly arm around Dennis' shoulders. "I've had some cowboys in there for a few weeks but words like efficient, haste and deadline aren't in their vocabulary"
"We'll be pushing it. If all the materials are there then we should do it. What if we don't finish?"
"You have to" Ally walked over to his desk, opened his brief case and took out a flyer which boasted the grand opening of "Allys, Tynesides latest nightclub" "This will be going into each copy of the local rag, so if it's not finished then I'll look a pratt" Oz walked over and took the flyer from him. "What's this here?" he asked excitedly pointing at some text.
"Oh yeah. Alan Shearer will be the guest of honour and do the official opening. In fact after the game the whole side will be dining and spending the evening at the club"
"Well c'mon lads, what're you waiting for. Let's get going. Can't let a good man down"
"Thank you Oz" said Ally.
"I'm talking about Alan Shearer"

The next week was spent in a whirlwind of cement, plaster and sawdust. Never had they worked so hard and so long to get a job finished. There was nothing too difficult to do just lots of it. Ally was always popping in either to express his delight or to show around prospective employees. By Thursday evening most of the major work was completed and it was a case of getting the carpets, fittings and all the other trappings associated with a nightclub installed. Ally came along and Dennis told him that there would be nothing they could do on Friday so they'd take the day off. "I'll come along to make sure everything is ok and put into their proper place. In the meantime we thought we'd make ourselves guests of yours at your other club" said Dennis.
"Ok Dennis but on one condition. If there are any problems you get your boys over here pronto"
"Sounds fine to me on one condition. Our drinks are on the house tonight"
"That's the least I can do. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go. I'll see you all on Saturday morning"
Neville and Dennis didn't bother with the club that night electing instead to have a night in domestic bliss without realising they weren't missing much. After jumping into a black cab and giving the driver the address the remaining five pulled up outside a pile of rubble that was once a nightclub. "Are you sure this is the right address Oz?" asked Moxey. Oz turned to the driver and asked "What happened to the nightclub?"
"Burned down about twelve months ago. Had to be demolished as it was unsafe. Are you getting out here or what?"
"Nah, take us back to the Fat Ox"
"No bloody wonder he said we could have free drinks all night" said Wayne. "Once a crook, always a crook"
"It's ok. We'll make up for it Saturday night otherwise he'll find his club coming down around his feet" said Bomber.

It was agreed that they would all meet at 'Allys' at 7.30am sharp Saturday. Before doing the last touches and getting the relative safety checks done they had a cup of tea and bacon and egg sandwiches which Ally had brought with him. "You'll have to do a lot more than this to make up for your little joke the other night. We lost money on the taxi fare not to mention almost forty minutes drinking time"
"Oz, I didn't get where I am today by squandering money" said Ally.
"Didn't know there were deep pockets in a kilt"
"Besides you'll be getting free drinks tonight as a way of thanking you all. Beer only though. And one more thing, be here for eight thirty and you can dine with Newcastle United"
"Wahaaay" exclaimed Oz, "I want to sit at Shearers table then I can give him a few tips, you know, about his positional play"
"Yes Oz and maybe next week he can pop down to your site and give you a few tips on your trowel handling" said Ally. Wayne looked at Barry and remarked "Don't know what all the fuss is about, It's only a football team"
"What you don't realise Wayne is how passionate we are about our team" said Neville. "It's more than just a sport, it's a way of life"
"Well I'm passionate about music and women but I do it in a subtle way" said Wayne.
"Yes Wayne, we've seen the subtle way you go about getting into a womans pants" said Bomber.
"I don't think I'm passionate about anything" said Moxey, "Although I do have a soft spot for ice cream"
"You know Mox, you should put an ad in the paper to see if anyone has found a personality and get it sent to you post haste" said Oz.
"Yes but at least my life is uncomplicated Oz with no hang ups"
"Uncomplicated? It wasn't long ago we didn't know whether to call you Moxey, Brendan or Fitzherbert. And you did more disappearing acts than David Copperfield" Ally butted in, "This is all very fascinating but I do have a business to run so if we can get back to the job in hand"
All checks and finishing touches were made and when the staff started to arrive for the evening's opening, Dennis and his boys made their excuses and left, saying they'd see Ally that night.
"And don't forget seven brown envelopes tonight" Dennis reminded him.

The evening was a success, no trouble, everyone well behaved and despite Ally's appeal to not mither the players, coach Oz got around to most of them giving his advice. The only sour note was Moxey losing his mobile."Are you sure you brought it with you?" asked Dennis.
"Yes sure"
"What about outside? You helped the caterers bring some more stuff in. Did you check there?"
"Den, I've looked everywhere, even down every bog"
"Well you'll just have to report it stolen tomorrow and cancel the connection. It wasn't switched on was it?" Moxey shook his head. "Unless someone knows your PIN then they can't use it so sort it out tomorrow. Don't worry"
"Looks like thing's are starting to get complicated Mox" said Oz. "Never mind let's get a pint before Fraser changes his mind on the free beer" Turning towards the bar he added "There's some talent in here tonight. I wonder who the lucky lady's going to be?"

The early hours of the morning, things took a turn for the worse for a couple of individuals. Ally got a call from the police to say that his club was on fire and that he should get down there quick. Getting down there he was confronted with a smouldering ruin and was greeted by a senior police officer. "I don't believe this. I...I...,words fail me" said Ally. "So what's caused this? Any ideas?"
"I've just spoken with the fire chief and he reckons it was started deliberately. He's found some accelerant,probably petrol near the catering entry. Oh and a mobile phone which may or may not have come from the culprit. We're getting the phone checked right now. The best thing you can do is go home and wait for us to call you Mr. Fraser"
"I need a drink. Here's my card. Call me the moment you have any news. This is twice now in twelve months. Shit, somebody doesn't like me"

Ally decided to go back to his office where there was an expensive bottle of scotch. After a couple of glasses, the adrenalin rush started to wane and fatigue took over. Ally put his head on his arms and slept deeply. He was brought out of his slumber by the sound of his mobile. He took a brief look at the clock, noted that it was eight thirty, then answered the phone. "Mr Fraser?" asked the familiar voice of the police officer.
"Yes. Do you have any news?"
"We've found out who the mobile belongs to. He already has form for arson so I think he's your man. He's not a local, he's from Merseyside so we've got them to investigate his whereabouts"
"Who is this man, maybe I know him?"
"I shouldn't really tell you but his name is Moxey, Albert Moxey"
"WHAT! Listen, I know this man and I know where you can find him right now" Ally gave them the motel name and address and when he'd finished made a call to Dennis.
"So Dennis, this is you're way of getting back at me eh. Send the arsonist in the firm to torch my building"
"What are you talking about? What time is it?"
"It's time for you and your chums to get your arses over here to my office NOW!" then hung up. Just as Dennis hung up at his end, it rang again, this time it was Barry. "Dennis, Moxey's been arrested. For arson again"
"Barry calm down. Ally's been on the phone and he wants us all over there straight away. I'll give Nev a ring and pick him. I'll see you lot over there"

Inside Ally's office the mood was heavy. The lads were angry that Ally could think that Moxey could do something like that. "I've invested a lot of money into this business and unless someone is brought to justice quickly, I'm going to lose most of it"
"So you're using Moxey, and his troublesome past, as a scapegoat" said Oz. "I don't think that's fair. What happened to innocent 'til proven guilty. You of all people should've heard of that"
"Yes well this isn't the first time it's happened to me so the insurance company will be watching me very closely. There are similarities between this fire and the last one"
"Ha, similarities?" laughed Oz. "A can of petrol and a match. Not many fires started like that are there? All you have to do is find out where he was when the last fire started. I'll guarantee he wasn't in Newcastle"
"C'mon Ally, you know Moxey didn't start the the fire" said Dennis. "Have a word with the police eh. Tell them it's not Moxey"
"Sorry Dennis but in my book guilty 'til proven innocent" Dennis turned to his boys "Lets go and leave this sad bastard to wallow in his own pity" He turned back to Ally "I think I speak for all of us when I say you ever contact any of us again, It'll be the biggest mistake you've ever made" and one by one they filed out of the office with Ally hurling abuse and threats after them. They decided to make their way to Nevilles house to discuss a plan of action. As they entered Brenda looked at them and remarked "This must be trouble, always is when you lot gather here. I'll put the kettle on"

"Look, we all know that he's innocent this time, and we're all witnesses so all we need to do is make a statement each" said Barry. This sounded like a simple thing to do so after their tea they all made their way to the police station to make statements. They found out that Moxey was helping the police with their enquiries with the aid of an appointed solicitor. "Just get word to him that if he needs better representation then we'll get it for him" said Dennis to the officer taking his statement.
"You'll be able to tell him youself, he'll be released in about five minutes. We've no evidence to hold him so he'll be released, but he should get a solicitor to sort it out for him"
As promised Moxey was soon released and by way of celebration they all went to the Fat Ox. "Thought I was going down again for a while there lads, no thanks to Ally. Brought back all kinds of memories like meeting new friends in the showers"
"Well you're a free man now Mox. This would've taken some explaining to Major Montford tomorrow morning, why you were still in Newcastle helping the police with their enquiries" said Wayne.
"The good news is they give me my phone back. I think I'll give Ally a call and thank him for a lovely evening"
"You mean like whatsit, reverse psychology?" asked Oz.
"Something like that. I might even reverse the charges"
"Ok let's have one more then we'll have to start making plans for going back" said Dennis.
"I'll get these" said a female voice from behind them. Everyone turned to see who had made the offer. "I think I owe you guy's an apology. It's my fault that Moxey got arrested"
"Well, well, well. So you're the phantom fire raiser" said Wayne
"Vicki?" enquired Oz.
"Hello Oz, hello everyone"
"But why?"
"You saw the way that bastard treated me, used me then left me with nothing. Then when I saw him back over here something just snapped and I had to get revenge. I remember Oz telling me that Moxey was an arsonist so I decided to burn everything associated with Ally"
"Gee thanks Oz" said Moxey then added "Nice to know I've influenced somebody in my own little way"
"So you did both of his clubs then?" asked Barry
"And a car. But that's it, no more" She turned to Moxey, "If you're in trouble then I'll tell the police everything"
"No, not a problem, they've let me go scott free, I think"
"Look Vicki, everything's sorted" said Dennis."We'll accept your drink offer but on one condition. Forget about Ally, forget about revenge and get on with the rest of your life.
"And one more thing" added Wayne, "Are you doing anything tonight?"
"Well I'm thinking of having a barbecue, do you fancy it?"

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