Auf Wiedersehen, Pet
LIVE! 6-02-2000

The date was the sixth of February 2000. The place was Newcastle City Hall. The time was 7.30 pm. In the centre row were Paul Armstrong, fiancée Nicola, and unofficial AufPet site writers Davey Gordon and Keith Hogan, waiting in anticipation. Coincidentally Melanie (Hazel Redfern) Hill sat in front of Paul.

The stage was darkened out, although musical instruments could be seen lining the stage. The event was 'A Sunday night for Sammy', a charity gala evening to raise money for the Sammy Johnson memorial fund. Part of this included 'Auf Wiedersehen, Pet Live', three new 'mini episodes', starring Tim Healy, Kevin Whatley and Jimmy Nail. The hall was packed to bursting the atmosphere was electric. Soon the hall would roar with laughter.

The show started with an intro by Tim, followed by a musical performance by Pig Meat (Sammy's old band), then it happened. Joe Fagin's 'Breakin away' filled the room to a huge applause. The lights went up, and their was Neville, on a payphone from Düsseldorf. He tried to speak over the sound of aircraft before sitting back down on a bench next to Dennis. The then talked about the benefits of their work in Germany. They then debated on how to tell Brenda about the tattoo. They then got on to how much money they were coming back with. Then it happened. From off stage we heard "They were still Germans though but!". At the the audience blew the roof of City Hall with laughter and applause. It got even louder when on walked Jimmy as Oz, scruffy T-Shirt, without the refined voice he has given himself. Oz was back, on full form.

The second episode was set at the end of the second series, at Malaga airport. The lads had been offered more work in Saudi. There was debate over whether to go or not. The third episode was set in the present day, in Newcastle airport. Dennis and Neville are off to work in Azerbaijan, when a chance meeting with Oz leads them to discover that Oz has 'cracked it'.

At the end of the concert, which also featured veteran Pet actresses Denise Welsh, Madelaine Newton and Val McClane, the three main actors joined the band 'Lindisfarne', in singing the infamous 'Fog on the Tyne'. The whole variety show was fantastic. Obviously only a small amount of Pet fans saw this, so here below is a full account of the first episode.

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Auf Wiedersehen, Pet LIVE!.

Mini - Episode 1, Düsseldorf Airport.

Written by Dick Clement and Ian LaFrenais.

Cast.
Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson.
Kevin Whatley - Neville Hope.
Jimmy Nail - 'Oz' Osbourne.
Mike Neville - Narrator.

NARRATOR: The year 1983, The place Düsseldorf.

Düsseldorf airport. Neville is on the phone to home. The noise of aircraft roars overhead.

NEVILLE: Hello, Tell her it's Neville. Of course she'll accept the charges. Brenda, hello pet its me. I'm just on me way back. Aye comin' home. Well we all are like, the jobs over. Look, look, I'll ring you when I get back. Yeah love you too pet, tarra.

Neville returns to his seat next to Dennis.

NEVILLE: Brenda say's hello.

DENNIS: Oh aye. She'll be a bit surprised we're going home a bit ahead of schedule.

NEVILLE: Aye.

DENNIS: Did you tell her the hut burnt down with all our gear?

NEVILLE: No, I thought I'd hold back on that one.

DENNIS: Aye. And you'll not have told her about your tattoo will you?

NEVILLE: Give us a break man Dennis.

DENNIS: Oh howay man, she might think it's sexy, I mean Sean Connery's got one you know.

NEVILLE: Aye but Sean Connery hasn't got one with Neville and Lotte written on it.

DENNIS: Argh she'll come round man, she knows how hard you've worked.

NEVILLE: I suppose. And I've sent some good money home.

DENNIS: Aye thats not so bad, it wasn't a bad gig was it?

OZ (Off stage): They were still Germans thought but!

Audience raises the roof with cheers. Oz enters. The applause continues.

DENNIS (as Tim Healy): Go on then say it.

OZ: They're still the bastards what bombed me granny.

DENNIS: Still man, they gave us work when there was none going, you've sort of forgot that in some alcoholic haze. Whats important is we've come back with more than we left with.

NEVILLE: You'd be surprised how much I've managed to put away.

OZ: Phorr, I'll bet it's less coin than what Gazza gets in a week.

NEVILLE: It's enough for me.

OZ: Oh aye, enough to put a down payment on that posh little bungalow in Ponteland.

NEVIILE: Whats wrong with that?

OZ: Phorr Have you ever been to Ponteland.

NEVILLE: Of course I have!

 OZ: Scary up there man its frightening. It's all Hush Puppies and army scarves. They send big butch cuckoos in to test the weather.

DENNIS: At least its better than a council house in Aircroft eh? I mean we leave our estates for something better, and they leave their estates to take what we had.

OZ: And you think your gonna get that through honest graft do you?

Crowd wait for the obvious in anticipation.

OZ: Thats a load of bollocks that is.

Crowd errupt in uncontrollable laughter. Tim and Kevin have trouble hold it in.

DENNIS (as Tim Healy): You've waited for that have'nt you.

OZ: People like us have no mobility thanks to Margaret Thatcher. You only get money through GIRO, coal, luck or being a drug dealer.

DENNIS: Argh right we'll through all our wedge in to that then shall we, we'll start going round all the estates eh, "whats on special offer this week eh?

OZ: Nar man thats not what I meant man, listen to this story what me fatha told us. About this Greek bloke, who jumped ship and ended up living in North Shields, Tommy Carlisle his name was.

DENNIS: He was a Greek bloke, Tommy Carlisle?

OZ: Well he changed his name did'nt he, it was easier than being know as Dimetri Something-opolis.

NEVILLE: Why Carlisle?

OZ: I've no idea Neville.

NEVILLE: He's obviously never been there.

OZ: Listen man, me story. The thing was, Tommy Carlisle, he used to rake round, and rummage through dustbins, and collect things what other people had discarded like er, a three legged chair or a broken toy or something, and he fixed it and he sold it and with the money he made himself a wheelbarrow to keep collecting it, made a penny or two, kept putting it away, within a year he bought himself a horse and cart right, and he would go all the way from Walker, right the way down to Smiths dock. And do you know how much he's worth today?

NEVILLE: No.

pause

DENNIS: Well howay, tell wu'

OZ: Nowt

Crowd laugh and applaud. END.

For more information on the Sammy Johnson Memorial Trust, please write to;

Community Foundation,
Cale Cross House,
156 Pilgrim Street,
Newcastle upon Tyne,
NE1 6SU.

 

 

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